Forbidden Fruits

Like other women before me, I ate something I probably shouldn't have.

You know how you do things that seem perfectly logical at the time, but as soon as you speak those actions aloud to another person, you realize how...well, how dumb it was?
Yeah.
I do that a lot.

The roofers are repairing our roof today. You know, because of that hail storm/tornado we had?
A year ago?
Mighty punctual aren't they?
Anyways, I closed all the blinds and locked all the doors to avoid any contact with these loud, shirtless men. I also decided to hide down in the depths of my room.
With the light off.
…For some reason.
Hiding out is all fun and games, but I started to get a little hungry... and that my friends is when the trouble began.
The hunger was sounding off like a painfully annoying alarm clock.
NEED NEED NEED
FOOD FOOD FOOD.
Well, I'll have no more of that.
Something must be done.
But what about my avoidance dilemma??
(I should probably confess. One rang the door bell just as I got out of the shower, so obviously I didn't get it. With all the stealth of a lioness, I peered out the window and saw...man legs. Then khaki shorts. Then a naked man torso. Aaaaaand, that was enough for me. Dodging all windows, like a wet madwoman, I made it to my room. And that is why I've been hiding out. Silly? Ridiculous? Over-the-top? Well yeah. But I almost died today, so I'm allowed a little eccentricity, thank you very much.
And that isn't really why I avoided them, I avoid everyone, ok? Ok.
Moving on.

So yeah, death.
I finally got the gumption to get me some grub. Apparently gumption grows in the stomach. What a powerful organ; it has tossed many-a social setback to the wind for the sake of food stuffs.
I arrived in the kitchen alert and determined. I scanned said kitchen where I spied, with my little eye…’d, a crumpled up brown paper bag on the counter. I love me some nectarines!
Juicy buggers.

Victory is mine! With my hairless peach I dashed back downstairs where I watched this weird French film. It was set in Algeria in some isolated mountains. One person would speak in French and someone else would respond in some Bedouin tribal language. I was pretty suspish.
Don't think I caught that?? Eh? Eh? Well, I did.
So basically, I ate the thing in distraction, juice dripping on my shirt and a dubious expression on my face. I bit into some nasty, and realized that I was down to the gnarled pit. It looked like something that should be growing in the depths of the sea on some coral reef somwheres. But then I noticed something even more strange about it... it was cloven in two. I carefully opened it and saw incased was something that resembled an almond.
Interesting...
I carefully removed it from its fitted tomb.
Me: What is it??
Stomach: Donno. But it looks gooooood.
Me:......k.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand,
I ate it.
It tasted like a coconutty almond with this other weird tang to it.
Well, that's that. I discarded the pit, washed my hands, and (for some reason) went back to watching that weird movie.
Blissfully unawares.

Mom came home some time later and asked what I had eaten. This was the part when I spoke my actions aloud and...it didn't go over too well.
"You ate, WHAT?"
Uhh?
"Peach pits are poison!!"
Uhhhhhh….
"Peach pits are poison!"
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh?!?!?!!? Mom? I feel strange.
Even though the fruit in question was a nectarine, there was still cause for concern.
After she got done freaking out she didn't care anymore. I, on the other hand, felt like my brain wasn't connected to my skull. Like, it was just floating around in there willy nilly. That can't be right. Then my stomach started making all these weird noises as if to say, "YOU did this to me!!!"
Typical.
If it would have shut up in the first place, we wouldn't be in this mess.
Jerk.
At this very same time the internet decided to kaput and it up’n died. I just ate a poisonous pit and without the internet’s wisdom, I was gonna die! That’s what happened to Snow White. If she ate that poisoned apple and had the internet she would have known to drink salt water and throw it up or something. I’m sure I don’t know. All I’m saying is; if Snow White had the internet it would be a whole different fairy tale.

Well, somewhere inside I knew that the poison that I had eaten wasn’t enough to kill me, and trust me, I know how funny the situation was. But I still felt all funny. With a few failed attempts to contact others out in the world with internet access, to no avail, I took a nap.
My mom woke me up.
“Tasha.”
“Yes??” (Fully awake now.)
“Tasha.”
(Starting to panic.) “Just tell me!!!! What did you find out?!”

Then she told me everything was ok.

The End






p.s. I've officially consumed cyanide. Maybe if I eat enough, little by little, I can build up immunity toward it, like Wesley did in the Princess Bride! But on the other hand...maybe not.;P
But the real moral of the story is; DON’T EVER EAT THE NUT IN THE PIT!!!!